Basic Conflict Resolution

It’s hard enough as a married couple to keep lines of good communication open and flowing. It can seem like an insurmountable problem if you are divorced. Your old ways of nitpicking at each other, anger and frustration will crop up again. After all, if you and your former spouse don’t know each other’s hot buttons, who does?

If you find yourself in conflict with your co-parent, here are some tips:

You are Divorced Now

You are no longer a couple who is trying to stay together and work on your marital relationship. The focus of your relationship must now shift from being about the two of you to being about two separate individuals doing your best to raise your children in the most amicable, cooperative way possible.

Make a Resolution to Start Fresh

A very effective way to move into a new relationship as co-parents rather than spouses is to give each other a chance to start anew. Give each other a clean slate and an opportunity to build a new and different relationship, leaving past arguments behind you.

Demonstrate Respect

You’re a role model, and your children are watching you very, very closely. Showing your children that mom and dad can respect each other and resolve conflict respectfully will give them a good foundation for the conflict that arises in their own lives. Demonstrating respect involves a lot of non-verbal communication. Do your best to remain relaxed and focused, use a calm tone of voice and a concerned facial expression when tensions rise.

Don’t Put it Off

If conflict arises, meet it head on and deal with it immediately. If you sweep it under the rug, it could add to your stress level and grow from a small issue to a large resentment. If it is a major concern, discuss it in private, away from the children. Be hard on the problem, not on the people. Focus on solutions rather than guilt, shame and blame. Make sure you are listening to your former spouse as you brainstorm for solution. It is tempting to hear everything your ex says as “yadda yadda yadda,” so try to listen actively even though it may seem you’ve heard it all before.

Take the High Road

Once your children are grown, you won’t have to parent together any more in terms of caretaking, discipline, school, health issues, etc. and you’ll be out of the day-to-day contact which might be challenging you now. But keep an eye toward the future—it will be fun to be grandparents, and it will be easier if you can get along well enough to dance at your child’s wedding and not make them choose where the grandkids spend Thanksgiving. If you want your children to have a good relationship with both you AND your former spouse, there will be times when you may have to put your own feelings aside temporarily. Keep in mind that you only have the power to change the things you can, and the rest is just something you’ll have to let go.

Homes Sweet Homes

Your children now have two homes. To avoid conflict around custody and visitation schedules, be flexible, prompt and respectful. Also, don’t use transfer time to discuss problems. Put agenda items in writing for a meeting later.

Extracurricular Activities

There will be many school and sporting events that your children will have that they will want you both to attend. Be on your best behavior at these times and as polite and nice to your former spouse as possible. Even making subtle jabs at each other in front of the kids’ friends is humiliating and distracting. And no screwing around with coming late to practice, or skipping it altogether. Let your kids have a childhood.

If you have a question regarding Family Law in Encino please contact us at (818) 926-4420 or visit the Family Law section on our website at Law Offices of Anat Resnik. Call today and we will connect you with Anat Resnik, an experienced, aggressive, affordable Divorce and Family Law Attorney in Encino. After you have spoken with our Los Angeles Family Law attorney, we can schedule you a free face to face appointment to discuss your circumstances. If you have questions or are considering any aspect of filing for Divorce, a Paternity issues, Child Custody and Visitation, Spousal Support & Alimony, etc. we can help! Call us now at(818) 926-4420. We look forward to hearing from you and assisting you with any and all family law needs.

Source: huffingtonpost.com “Basic Tips for Successful Co-Parenting,” May 2, 2013.

A Family Law Attorney blogs on the definition of a putative marriage

A putative marriage is a legally invalid marriage, although entered into with good faith by one or both parties  Reasons that a putative marriage is not legally binding would be because of a technical barrier (called an impediment), for example if one party in the putative marriage has a preexistent marriage.

A putative spouse is different than a statutory spouse, a common-law spouse or a ceremonial marriage spouse, in that a putative spouse is not legally married. Rather, they believe them self to be married in “good faith.” Therefore, the putative spouse typically has legal rights because of their dependence on their good faith union with the other partner.

Under civil law, if the impediment is removed, the marriage becomes valid. However, with regard to divorce proceedings, if the impediment has not been removed, commonly the partner that as not made the infraction is often entitled to the protections of a divorce for division of property and child custody.

If you have a question regarding Family Law in Los Angeles please contact us at (818) 926-4420 or visit the Family Law section on our website at Law Offices of Anat Resnik. Call today and we will connect you with Anat Resnik, an experienced, aggressive, affordable Divorce and Family Law Attorney in Encino. After you have spoken with our Los Angeles Family Law attorney, we can schedule you a free face to face appointment to discuss your circumstances. If you have questions or are considering any aspect of filing for Divorce, a Paternity issues, Child Custody and Visitation, Spousal Support & Alimony, etc. we can help! Call us now at(818) 926-4420. We look forward to hearing from you and assisting you with any and all family law needs.

There are many articles that offer guidance in the selection of family law attorneys, however, many of these articles provide little insight into the important considerations for selecting the right family law attorney for you.  Recommending that the attorney be “competent”, “professional”, or “caring” are obvious traits that you would want in any attorney, but how does one determine if the attorney is, in fact, competent, professional or caring?  When interviewing any family law or divorce attorney, the following checklist will assist you in your selection of an attorney for your family law needs:

1. “Do you exclusively practice family law?” — Although a simplistic question, when an attorney answers this question in the affirmative (“yes”), it is very telling of the attorney’s level of experience in handling family law matters. California’s family laws are complex and ever-changing.  Attorneys who exclusively practice family law (meaning, they dedicate all of their practice to issues of family law) are usually more aware of the nuances of the laws, the changes in the laws, and how these laws are applied in Court.

2.  Did the attorney spend time with you during your initial consultation to answer all of your questions? — Important qualities in any attorney, but especially family law attorneys given the emotional nature of the case, are the attorney’s ability to listen to the potential client’s concerns and the willingness to clearly respond to these concerns.   The initial consultation should be an opportunity for the client to assess the attorney’s communication skills.  Typically, good communication between an attorney and their client is a key factor in determining client satisfaction with the attorney’s representation of the client.

3.  Review client reviews. — The internet offers a wide array of websites that review attorneys, including client testimonials.   The best indicator of future representation is the past.  Client testimonials, provided from a legitimate source, will offer great insight into the attorney’s practice. You can check if a testimonial is legitimate, or simply an attempt to drive potential clients to another attorney, by clicking on the reviewer to see historical comments.